Tiger Bar Soap

I was skeptical that a bar of soap would dramatically change my life. I was wrong. It all began on the day of April 20th. I returned from the gym and needed a shower. Excited to try the new soap I lathered up the loofa and got clean. I get out of the shower, smelling like a majestic French toast, and am greeted by two blonde haired blue eyed bombshells. Both of them wearing nothing but boy shorts. They proceed to have their way with me for about 3 hours. Fearing that I’ll be fired from work I rush to the office. I’m greeted at the front door by my CEO. He informs me that I’ve been promoted to regional manager. He throws me the keys to a fighter jet and tells me I can go home for the day. I hop in my new F-35 and get a call over the radio that terrorists are trying to take over a speciality coffee roaster. I fly over and strafe a few of the terrorist in my jet, then land it and run into the store. One of them is holding a beautiful redhead hostage. I whip out a tomahawk that happened to be in my fighter jet. I throw it perfectly (just like Mel Gibson in the Patriot) and hit the terrorist in the face. The redhead almost falls but I catch her. She looks into my eyes and says, “you smell amazing”. We kiss and I carry her back to the house where the two blondes are waiting with dinner. I can’t thank dissident soaps enough. I now have three girlfriends, a jet, and a seven figure salary all because of this amazing soap.

After I started using this brand my wife suddenly looks at me like I’m a man again. 10/10 no notes. Buy American Hire American!